As non-work-safe as you can get... I haven't looked at it yet, but I may have to check it out later out of pure curiousity.

If I get jury duty in July, I can only hope it'll be this amusing.

Or in my case, eye opening...

So I lost $150 in Reno this weekend... and Monday, I get a phone call from my little brother Curt, who just won $2600 on a bad beat jackpot. Talk about your bad karma. Don't blow all your money on strippers, kid. =P You lucky bastard... congrats, though.

Kevin Rogers: I love the Japanese

Kevin Rogers: Clean, polite bunch who may, in fact, despise whitey inside, but will never come out and say so. So God bless 'em.

While many of them were written for Jon, I'm pretty sure this one was written purely for me. Why do you think I gave up cases?

News for Sherrie.

Best thing heard this weekend:

Sean: Ooo! Baccarat! Let's go be confused!

Unlike the last one, this article about the doom of the next generation of DVDs actually might tell you something you don't already know.

Jon offers you more of Foamy, Jon's evil id...

http://www.friendsoffoamy.com/index.php?id=110



its been a long week :)

eryn_chan: Okay, the headline to this article read: "Well, there's your problem right there", and all the summary said was "More sex".
devinoch: I see a Japan trip in the future...
eryn_chan: LOL
devinoch: "Japan came last among 41 nations in a poll last year by condom manufacturer Durex, with lovers there having sex just 45 times a year compared to a global average of 103 times a year."
devinoch: WHO DOES THESE SURVEYS?
eryn_chan: It just said. Condom manufacturer.
eryn_chan: Find out why nothing's being sold. ^^
devinoch: no no, I mean the actual people....
devinoch: Who would you go out to GIVE that survey?
devinoch: er, "would you get to go"
devinoch: Do you get unattractive people? Models? Scientists?
devinoch: Better still, how do you phrase that question...
eryn_chan: ...
eryn_chan: Phone survey.
devinoch: Makes it easier to lie, though.
devinoch: Honestly, they may simply be able to do things with sales numbers to get estimates.
eryn_chan: What, a person can't lie face to face?
eryn_chan: I think they'd be more likely too.
eryn_chan: No, it was probably a phone survey.
devinoch: I imagine it was a mail in thing.
eryn_chan: No, sales numbers won't give you an estimate of how many times someone has sex in a month.
eryn_chan: Phone.
eryn_chan: Almost all done by phone now.
eryn_chan: Some on the computer.
eryn_chan: Some in person. But mostly phone.
eryn_chan: It's an entire industry.
devinoch: I just wonder how you could gauge the reliability of a survey like that, one of the most commonly lied about topics on the planet.
eryn_chan: The Japanese are better about honesty than we are?
eryn_chan: It's a completely different morality
devinoch: Well, this is a worldwide survey, though.
devinoch: I imagine the French totally padding their numbers.
eryn_chan: Yah.
devinoch: And the British, well, the British don't do that sort of thing.
eryn_chan: LOL
eryn_chan: Riiiiight.
devinoch: I wonder who the leader is, now... dammit, I must find these results.
eryn_chan: LOL
eryn_chan: I've started something bad.
devinoch: Pssh.
devinoch: I'll bet it's some country who no one's ever heard of, just trying to make a name for themselves.
eryn_chan: LOL
devinoch: "Come to Gold Coast! People here had sex an average of 270 times a year last year! A three day vacation is practically a guarantee!"
eryn_chan: LOL
eryn_chan: That's just wrong.
devinoch: Someone in marketing is thinking of it right now, I can assure you.
devinoch: Or some country has padded their numbers so ridiculously high they were thrown out... "Norway claims the average is 1,297 times a year? They can piss off!"

So $500+ later, my car works. Bleh.

This is when I give up. No more trying to get what I can't have. I give up!

Last night, The Twilight Singers rocked so hard, there was no more rocking to be had that night.

Job hazzzzard:
http://foamy.libertech.net/dubbed.swf




(this was made for Jon. I just know it!)

I need one of these so badly it hurts.

The date's wrong, though... July 21st, not August 17th.

But, hell yeah, shit's on...

It has been decided that Ben is "the biggest dick ever."

That is all.

Ding dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the mean ol' witch, the wicked witch...

I am interested in your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

I failed at getting into a Chem course at a community college. I suppose my life is now complete.

Jon: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING!
Jon: how's the haps?
Close Female Friend: How YOU doin?
Close Female Friend: Honestly, I'm jonesin' to go to Japan...like REALLY FUCKING BAD lately
Close Female Friend: It may be that I need a change of scenery...but I think I just need to get there and make sure all my mechanations are for the right reasons :D
Jon: true
Jon: it's the best reassurance there is
Jon: and it'll Blow your mind!
Close Female Friend: heh :D
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_3/
Jon: seriously...
Jon: I could be gay for gackt (guy in linked photo)
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_3/56.html
Close Female Friend: LOL
Jon: seriously
Close Female Friend: I loved the commerical with the dancing cat things
Close Female Friend: and the flattened Gackt XD
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_3/51.html
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_3/52.html
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_3/54.html
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_3/55.html
Jon: ok... or maybe I just want to BE the man
Close Female Friend: hahaha
Jon: flattened gackt?
Close Female Friend: so it's a CM for a beauty clinic?
Close Female Friend: that's BRILLIANT!
Jon: with the asian body and the kick @$$ accessories
Jon: they know their market :p
Close Female Friend: "come to our clinic...it will feel like you just spent a week in a tropical paradise with Gackt!"
Close Female Friend: XD
Jon: LOL
Close Female Friend: Did we mention, you're HAWT!!!
Close Female Friend: Just like the girl in the CM
Close Female Friend: Seriously
Close Female Friend: that's totally you....
Close Female Friend: frolicking with Gackt...ooooh yeeeeeeeeeeeah
Jon: ROFL
Jon: OMG white suit, metro clear hair, sweet Final fantasy style accessories and piercings.... OMFG
Close Female Friend: XD
Close Female Friend: so Gackt is your new Tom Cruise XD
Close Female Friend: at least Gackt never denied that he was a crazy Mofo :D
Close Female Friend: that's why we loves him
Jon: must get good job so jon can have money to get hair cut every week! @_@
Close Female Friend: heehee
Jon: and buy nice glasses and get cool accessories
Jon: he is. Gackt has been my tom for like a half year now
Jon: and MI3 sucked @$$ (my expectations were way too high. It was good, but not as good as I wanted it to be :(
Jon: LOL
Close Female Friend: XD
Jon: wait...
Jon: nope. Still not truly gay : http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_2/
Close Female Friend: cuuuute!
Jon: "So really Mrs. Baumgardner, when did you first know you wanted to marry Mr. Jon?" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_2/17.html
Jon: "I guess to answer that question we'll have to ask a few of his ex girl friends..." "Ladies? how do you feel about Mr. B?" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_2/23.html
Jon: "well its hard to say Mr. anouncer tanaka san"... "but we all did our best to stalk him before he was married..." http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_2/29.html
Jon: "so now we've formed a support group :) "
Jon: http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_2/30.html "and since he's just sooooooo cute.... we all get together monthly and talk about him :)
Close Female Friend: hahahahahaha
Close Female Friend: HAHAHA XD
Close Female Friend: My favorite is the "We did our best to stalk him" with the ganbaremasu poses XD
Jon: "we love you Jon... please get work so you can save money and come to Japan" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/06_2/48.html
Close Female Friend: heeheeheehee
Jon: lol
Jon: sorry... I think I got a little carried away :p

Jon: oh and btw....
Jon: THE FIRST EVER KUMI PHOTO BOOK COMES OUT NEXT MONTH
Jon: O
Jon: M
Jon: F
Jon: G
Jon: I need a job
Jon: now
Jon: http://www.machall.com/index.php?strip_id=377
Jon: I wish japan needed sperm donors
Jon: that would be a great job
Close Female Friend: hahahah
Jon: "looking for sucessful, well built, fair looking american boys to repopulate our perfect society with hybrids.)
Jon: "hello mr. baum san, for today's performance I will use this "feminine toy" to help your progress." http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/2.html
Jon: "what... this isn't enough...?" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/5.html
Jon: "ok, well ask the genie for help..." http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/12.html
Jon: "Oh... wise genie... Mr. jon needs help at his newly acquired possition in japan... and sadly myslf and this toy is not enough... can you help us?"
Jon: *genie "what's this you say... you using this toy... is not enough for master jon?" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/11.html
Jon: "I know... it sounds odd, but what are we to do?"http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/26.html
Jon: *genie "well, maybe we're in the wrong area of expertise?... how about a singing bald guy?" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/10.html
Jon: "No, no silly, he's not gay... he just dresses that way... :p " http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/200606/graph/14_2/1.html
Close Female Friend: hahahaha
Jon: *genie... ok.... we shall bring him a fantasy of his most wild DREAMS.... BEHOLD... The power of the GENIE!"
Jon: *genie "Your wish... is my comand!" http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/entertainment/geinou/graph/20051108/2.html
Jon: =================
Jon: yes... you have just witnessed another crazy energetic jon theater.... brought to you by the letters O, M and G.
Jon: tune in next week for more Gackt and Kumi wildness.
Jon: and for all you listeners at home in the states, don't forget to save up your viewer points...
Close Female Friend: YAAAAAAAAaaaaaaY!!!
Jon: you could win any one of the new JON action figures
Close Female Friend: SWEET!!!
Jon: you could win business Jon, angst Jon, lover jon, or even the ultra rare snapping & smiling Jon
Jon: tune in next time. same cool time, same cool channel!
Close Female Friend: There's a lover Jon?
Close Female Friend: wow...that must be the super rare clear variant!
Jon: yes, he's dressed in banana rep clothing, glasses, and there are sparkling hearts around his hair.
Close Female Friend: XD XD Awesome

Yeah, this kind of thing (Caution: Graphic.) happens all the time in Nebraska... or not.

So, my little brother worked at the restaurant mentioned in the story and the alleged murderer in the story was Curt's trainer at the restaurant. It's a very small, weird world.

Being the perennial MoneyPenny has it's small perks.

More ways to feed your Sesame Street Alien fetish.

I harbor secret desires to blow up my life Tyler Durden style.

I know I'm one of the only people on this blog who follows sports with any regularity, but you have to appreciate this snippet from a retiring boxer:

Asked by HBO boxing analyst Larry Merchant if he would consider coming back for a $20 million payday, Hopkins replied: "I might come out of my grave for that kind of money."

There is a wooter running around begging me to scratch her butt. I am disturbed :(

Science is fun.

If this actually happens, they best not fuck up the movie.

I just felt that it is my duty to announce that Pirates opens in one month. I cant wait!!!!!!!!!!

With all the new people, I had to find something creative. So I present to you, this.

Indeed, sir, indeed...

I give up! My heart can't take it anymore and if I open my mouth, I will lose people I care deeply about. I give up!

Awww, my first post.
I don't know why, I just thought some of you would really get a kick out of this conversation. Please click the link from Matt or it won't make sense.

Matt Boyd: Matt demands employment.
Jes: You're hired!
Matt Boyd: Yay!
Matt Boyd: Funny you said that, I was looking at http://www.craigslist.org/pen/etc/167375170.html at the time.
Jes: ....
Matt Boyd: So I'm hired, you say?
Jes: I didn't know what you were looking at when i said you're hired......
Matt Boyd: I know, just razzing you.
Jes: I'm just going to add it to the "dirty stuff jes said that she didn't mean to be dirty" folder.
Matt Boyd: You know, if you work for the comic, this could be sexual harassment.
Jes: I do work for the comic....
Matt Boyd: OH snaps.
Jes: I'M SUEING!
Matt Boyd: My client would like to settle for a cookie.
Jes: Make that 2.
Matt Boyd: Deal. Glad this little incident didn't have to make it to the newspapers.
Jes: I have been offered a nice sum of snacks for the book and movie rights though.
Matt Boyd: As part of the agreement, you signed an NDA.
Jes: Damn. I need to read the fine print.
George: 5'9"!?!?!?! THOSE BASTARDS!
Matt Boyd: I'm pretty sure they screen for emo in the genetic tests.

Warren Ellis made me do it...

Behold! The ICON!