So it's been a bit since I've posted here, I realize. I've been trying to enjoy my holiday as best as I could, not having to work for several days (which was nice) and unwinding. Wasn't the best of breaks, but it was a break. Thanksgiving itself was... well, it was. I spent it with Joe and Lara at Lara's grandmother's, and it was nice to have a good Thanksgiving meal for once, but it was odd that I was with someone else's family. The last two years I'd spent Thanksgiving by myself, usually just at home, hanging out. This year I was sort of with a family, but it wasn't really my family, which was disconcerting. ... I don't really know who my family is anymore.
I mean, I have family, and they'll always be family, but you also build your OWN family, as you get older. And that family is always in a state of flux, I guess. But the more I think about it, these people are my family. Joe, Lara, Erin, Greg, Liz and even Dave... these people are the family I have built for myself. They are people I would trust with my lives. They're my friends, but they're more than that. They truly are my family. I worry about their futures. I take joy in their victories and I try to be there for their sorrows, when they'll let me be. I try and help them walk through the hard times, and I try to help them celebrate the good times. We climb high and we fall far. We laugh, we smile, we cry, we party, we mourn, we enjoy life... and I'd rather be enjoying it with these people than anyone else. I'd step in front of a bullet for any of these people. A few of them I'd even step in front of an automatic for. I would do anything in my power to make life that much easier for my friends/family. But it isn't always that easy, nor is it easy for other people to make my life better.
The road is long. The way is hard. The path is fraught with adversity and strife. Life, as they say, is no cake walk. But you are not alone.
I know it's tough going right now, Liz. As I said earlier (and I'll reiterate at the end of the year), it's been a year of extremes, for all of us. The highs have been phenomenally high, for you and the rest of us. And the lows, well, they are a dark and deep set of lows that I know at least some of us have found ourselves trapped in this year. But you will survive and thrive. You will pull through and find yourself on top. You have all of us to help you, but most especially, you have Greg. You have love. You have that most precious and fickle of forces in your life, and you have it in spades. Regardless of whatever strife you find yourself going through, you will have Greg by your side to help you endure. Love can be a burden, but even when it is, it will still give you more strength than you know what to do with. You will be able to conquer any obstacle, you will be able to drive back any onslaught, you will be able to ride through any storm. Take solace in that, Liz. Take comfort in the fact that when the load seems to heavy to bear any more, that you can't go any further, not one step more into the night, Greg will be there to pick you up and carry your torch to let you rest awhile.
You can't control your parents lives. You can't control anyone's life but your own. And no matter how much you may want to help or change them, you can't. You just have to live your life for the best, and vow not to make the mistakes you see other make. You won't be able to avoid them all, no matter how much you want to, but you're a wise and intelligent person, Liz, and I think you will be able to learn from all of this. Pain, as they say, is the best teacher. Some times it takes a bit of pain to teach us a valuable lesson.
My last bit of advice to you ... take this as a challenge and embrace it. Don't try not to think about it but don't try and dwell on it either. Pretending not to notice a problem won't make it go away but wallowing in it won't do you any good either. Give it time and thought, but be prepared to move on eventually. From what I know (and I don't know a lot), all you can do here is make sure you don't get into that kind of problem, which I don't think you will. The sins of our parents are not our sins; we do not need to bear them.
Well, I've probably written enough/too much/not enough today, so I'm going to take my leave.
NOW PLAYING: Jimmy Eat World - "For Me This Is Heaven"
Lyrics: "and the time, such clumsy time / in deciding if it's time / I'm careful. but not sure how it goes / you can lose yourself in your courage / when the time we have now ends / and when the big hand goes around, again / can you still feel the butterflies? / can you still hear the last goodnight? / and the mindless comfort grows / when I'm alone with my 'great' plans / this is what she said gets her through it / 'if I don't let myself be happy now, then when? if not now when?' / when the time we have now ends / and when the big hand goes around, again / can you still feel the butterflies? / can you still hear the last goodnight?"
I mean, I have family, and they'll always be family, but you also build your OWN family, as you get older. And that family is always in a state of flux, I guess. But the more I think about it, these people are my family. Joe, Lara, Erin, Greg, Liz and even Dave... these people are the family I have built for myself. They are people I would trust with my lives. They're my friends, but they're more than that. They truly are my family. I worry about their futures. I take joy in their victories and I try to be there for their sorrows, when they'll let me be. I try and help them walk through the hard times, and I try to help them celebrate the good times. We climb high and we fall far. We laugh, we smile, we cry, we party, we mourn, we enjoy life... and I'd rather be enjoying it with these people than anyone else. I'd step in front of a bullet for any of these people. A few of them I'd even step in front of an automatic for. I would do anything in my power to make life that much easier for my friends/family. But it isn't always that easy, nor is it easy for other people to make my life better.
The road is long. The way is hard. The path is fraught with adversity and strife. Life, as they say, is no cake walk. But you are not alone.
I know it's tough going right now, Liz. As I said earlier (and I'll reiterate at the end of the year), it's been a year of extremes, for all of us. The highs have been phenomenally high, for you and the rest of us. And the lows, well, they are a dark and deep set of lows that I know at least some of us have found ourselves trapped in this year. But you will survive and thrive. You will pull through and find yourself on top. You have all of us to help you, but most especially, you have Greg. You have love. You have that most precious and fickle of forces in your life, and you have it in spades. Regardless of whatever strife you find yourself going through, you will have Greg by your side to help you endure. Love can be a burden, but even when it is, it will still give you more strength than you know what to do with. You will be able to conquer any obstacle, you will be able to drive back any onslaught, you will be able to ride through any storm. Take solace in that, Liz. Take comfort in the fact that when the load seems to heavy to bear any more, that you can't go any further, not one step more into the night, Greg will be there to pick you up and carry your torch to let you rest awhile.
You can't control your parents lives. You can't control anyone's life but your own. And no matter how much you may want to help or change them, you can't. You just have to live your life for the best, and vow not to make the mistakes you see other make. You won't be able to avoid them all, no matter how much you want to, but you're a wise and intelligent person, Liz, and I think you will be able to learn from all of this. Pain, as they say, is the best teacher. Some times it takes a bit of pain to teach us a valuable lesson.
My last bit of advice to you ... take this as a challenge and embrace it. Don't try not to think about it but don't try and dwell on it either. Pretending not to notice a problem won't make it go away but wallowing in it won't do you any good either. Give it time and thought, but be prepared to move on eventually. From what I know (and I don't know a lot), all you can do here is make sure you don't get into that kind of problem, which I don't think you will. The sins of our parents are not our sins; we do not need to bear them.
Well, I've probably written enough/too much/not enough today, so I'm going to take my leave.
NOW PLAYING: Jimmy Eat World - "For Me This Is Heaven"
Lyrics: "and the time, such clumsy time / in deciding if it's time / I'm careful. but not sure how it goes / you can lose yourself in your courage / when the time we have now ends / and when the big hand goes around, again / can you still feel the butterflies? / can you still hear the last goodnight? / and the mindless comfort grows / when I'm alone with my 'great' plans / this is what she said gets her through it / 'if I don't let myself be happy now, then when? if not now when?' / when the time we have now ends / and when the big hand goes around, again / can you still feel the butterflies? / can you still hear the last goodnight?"
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