Well things are pretty darn shitty at the moment. Lets just say that my life (as I know it) came crashing down around my ankles as reality hit me upside the head. First, lets start out with my hard drive crashing... not allowing me to update my site or do anything on the web. Also losing all the e-mails that my writers had sent me... ect ect. So that sucks. But yesterday, coming home from Thanksgiving, I found out that the perfect little life I thought I had been living my entire life... has all been a lie. Everything that I thought was wonderful in my life (with the exception of Greg) actually isn't. The one thing that I could always be thankful for. The one glimmer of hope... to lead me forward into life, has vanished.
Lets just say that I found out that my parents don't like each other and never really have. For years they never spoke to one another, but stayed together because of us children. Now they are staying together because they don't know anything different. My parents are about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary and for probably 38 of those 40 years they hated one another. I found out alot more shit to go along with it... but I just don't feel like sharing those details.
When I used to pray, I would thank god for giving me such a wonderful complete family. But I guess things aren't the way I thought they were. Its like I have been drunk for almost 21 years of my life, and I am just now sobering up.
This information also shows me how everything connects together. Like why my parents don't sleep in the same beds. (I thought it was because my mother has a terrible snoring problem and my dad is an insomniac.) Also, why my dad was such a drunk for the majority of my life. Until he forced himself into a heart attack. So many things just make so much little sense now... but my life makes less sense than it ever did.
So if any of you are wondering if I have died or not... I haven't. I maybe wishing I had... but I unfortunately haven't. I just need a little time to cope and figure out what my life means now. It makes it alot more difficult to believe you can be married to someone and be happy for many years when you realize that you own parents have been dillusional all of these years.
*sigh*
Lets just say that I found out that my parents don't like each other and never really have. For years they never spoke to one another, but stayed together because of us children. Now they are staying together because they don't know anything different. My parents are about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary and for probably 38 of those 40 years they hated one another. I found out alot more shit to go along with it... but I just don't feel like sharing those details.
When I used to pray, I would thank god for giving me such a wonderful complete family. But I guess things aren't the way I thought they were. Its like I have been drunk for almost 21 years of my life, and I am just now sobering up.
This information also shows me how everything connects together. Like why my parents don't sleep in the same beds. (I thought it was because my mother has a terrible snoring problem and my dad is an insomniac.) Also, why my dad was such a drunk for the majority of my life. Until he forced himself into a heart attack. So many things just make so much little sense now... but my life makes less sense than it ever did.
So if any of you are wondering if I have died or not... I haven't. I maybe wishing I had... but I unfortunately haven't. I just need a little time to cope and figure out what my life means now. It makes it alot more difficult to believe you can be married to someone and be happy for many years when you realize that you own parents have been dillusional all of these years.
*sigh*
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