We do all read the comments and we can be caught discussing them from time to time. Here's one that caught my attention a little while back:
"From what I've read of your posts, I have been very impressed by your willingness to help out others, and your numerous offers of assistance to to your friends. Maybe I shouldn't be as impressed by this, maybe it's just a indicator of the friends I've had to put up with, but it's very cool and inspiring to read about someone who is as much of a support to their friends as I should try to be. I'm certain that you are a boon to all who welcome you in to their life."
I certainly hope so. When I was younger, I was dealing with a very difficult personal situation which I don't want to talk about here, and I basically cracked as a human being. I just lost all sense of reason, sanity, right and wrong ... I didn't have any direction, any focus, any idea what the fuck to do with myself. It was a problem so insurmountable I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to surpass it. And then, someone came to my aide.
A friend of mine came up to me and he sat down and we talked. Not for a few minutes, not for a few hours. We talked constantly over the course of almost a month, and he helped me make sense of this problem and helped me conquer it. It was the roughest time in my life, and just when I thought no one wanted to help, my friend just strolled over to me and sat down. Easy as that. I asked him about it years later and he told me one of the wisest things I've ever heard -- "When the problems get really bad, people usually get too proud and too stupid to ask for help. You weren't going to ask for help, so by god I was going to give it to you anyway. Because you needed it."
Today, even as I go through life, there are times where I need help and I'm still too proud to ask for it. Or it's a problem no one knows how to handle. Or it's not even a problem, just a situation. Life's more complex now than it was when I was younger. But I've learned one thing -- friends are the most important thing you can ever have. More important than knowledge, than wisdom, than possessions, than anything else... friends are the most important thing. You don't need a lot of them. Heck, you may not even want a lot of them -- I've always felt that have too many friendships means you're spreading yourself too thin, but, again, that's just me. But you do need them. And you need to trust them. And you need to believe in them. And you need to help them, even when they're too proud to ask for help, because there will come a time when you will be too proud to ask for help, and they will come to help you.
I've been in a really good state of mind lately, because this weekend was the first time in a long time where I felt like I fit in with a group of people. I mean, when Joe and his wife were up here, that was all fine and dandy, but it was mainly just Joe and I hanging out, because I'm still getting to know Lara. She's Joe's wife and Joe did all the dating/wooing/engagement thing while I was away, so I barely knew her when they got married. But Joe and I are very old friends. So I'm sure she felt a little at odds. And that's normal. Given time and the ability for all to hang out (in a year or two or three), I'm sure that will fade. But this group -- Erin, Liz and Greg -- this group feels like the best group of friends I've had in a long time. Maybe even ever. Even in the moments when I'm nervous, I know deep down things are going to be okay. Even in the moments where I feel like I'm out of the conversation for the moment, I know that the topic of choice could change in a heartbeat and I could be back in the conversation in a flash. And even when I'm not engaged in the conversation, I'm listening. And I'm learning. ... I'm growing. I even find myself wishing the distance between all of us wasn't so far apart, so we could hang out more. I haven't yet seen a thing as too much time with Liz. Or with Erin. Or even with Greg for that matter. (Here's the part where Liz chimes in saying "You haven't been around Greg enough.")
So thank you for the compliment, Devin, but it really isn't because of any inner goodness that I do all these things for my friends -- I just want to give back something for all the wonderful times they've given me.
To the good times, dear friends. To Erin, to Liz, to Greg and yes, even to me. May these days never end, and may we never lose touch. I truly am having the life of my life and whatever the future holds, I hope you are all there to see at least some of it with me.
"From what I've read of your posts, I have been very impressed by your willingness to help out others, and your numerous offers of assistance to to your friends. Maybe I shouldn't be as impressed by this, maybe it's just a indicator of the friends I've had to put up with, but it's very cool and inspiring to read about someone who is as much of a support to their friends as I should try to be. I'm certain that you are a boon to all who welcome you in to their life."
I certainly hope so. When I was younger, I was dealing with a very difficult personal situation which I don't want to talk about here, and I basically cracked as a human being. I just lost all sense of reason, sanity, right and wrong ... I didn't have any direction, any focus, any idea what the fuck to do with myself. It was a problem so insurmountable I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to surpass it. And then, someone came to my aide.
A friend of mine came up to me and he sat down and we talked. Not for a few minutes, not for a few hours. We talked constantly over the course of almost a month, and he helped me make sense of this problem and helped me conquer it. It was the roughest time in my life, and just when I thought no one wanted to help, my friend just strolled over to me and sat down. Easy as that. I asked him about it years later and he told me one of the wisest things I've ever heard -- "When the problems get really bad, people usually get too proud and too stupid to ask for help. You weren't going to ask for help, so by god I was going to give it to you anyway. Because you needed it."
Today, even as I go through life, there are times where I need help and I'm still too proud to ask for it. Or it's a problem no one knows how to handle. Or it's not even a problem, just a situation. Life's more complex now than it was when I was younger. But I've learned one thing -- friends are the most important thing you can ever have. More important than knowledge, than wisdom, than possessions, than anything else... friends are the most important thing. You don't need a lot of them. Heck, you may not even want a lot of them -- I've always felt that have too many friendships means you're spreading yourself too thin, but, again, that's just me. But you do need them. And you need to trust them. And you need to believe in them. And you need to help them, even when they're too proud to ask for help, because there will come a time when you will be too proud to ask for help, and they will come to help you.
I've been in a really good state of mind lately, because this weekend was the first time in a long time where I felt like I fit in with a group of people. I mean, when Joe and his wife were up here, that was all fine and dandy, but it was mainly just Joe and I hanging out, because I'm still getting to know Lara. She's Joe's wife and Joe did all the dating/wooing/engagement thing while I was away, so I barely knew her when they got married. But Joe and I are very old friends. So I'm sure she felt a little at odds. And that's normal. Given time and the ability for all to hang out (in a year or two or three), I'm sure that will fade. But this group -- Erin, Liz and Greg -- this group feels like the best group of friends I've had in a long time. Maybe even ever. Even in the moments when I'm nervous, I know deep down things are going to be okay. Even in the moments where I feel like I'm out of the conversation for the moment, I know that the topic of choice could change in a heartbeat and I could be back in the conversation in a flash. And even when I'm not engaged in the conversation, I'm listening. And I'm learning. ... I'm growing. I even find myself wishing the distance between all of us wasn't so far apart, so we could hang out more. I haven't yet seen a thing as too much time with Liz. Or with Erin. Or even with Greg for that matter. (Here's the part where Liz chimes in saying "You haven't been around Greg enough.")
So thank you for the compliment, Devin, but it really isn't because of any inner goodness that I do all these things for my friends -- I just want to give back something for all the wonderful times they've given me.
To the good times, dear friends. To Erin, to Liz, to Greg and yes, even to me. May these days never end, and may we never lose touch. I truly am having the life of my life and whatever the future holds, I hope you are all there to see at least some of it with me.
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