So I realized last night that I am not special.
I just seem to drift in behind Greg's name. Forever I will be known as "Greg's girlfriend" Sort of like how Kara is known as "Gabe's wife". But what makes me stand out? Nothing I suppose. What I mean is this... Am I known for anything? Being a splendid actor? Nope. At the moment no one but my parents and Greg seem to care that I act at all. Drawing? Well I am fairly good at drawing, but no one seems to care about that either. Being undeniably beautiful? Nope again. My wonderful fashion sense? What are you kidding? I suppose I am alright at making costumes. But its not something I love to do. Its fun from time to time... but most of the time I hate to sew. Plus, the people that do e-mail me about my costumes have found me through Real Life. That makes things less cool I suppose. Its probably because they didn't find me because I am me. They found me because I am the girlfriend of "Greg Dean".
I get the feeling from time to time that my friends are only my friends because I am Greg's girlfriend. It just comes with the package I suppose. I don't really have close friends either. I have Greg... and thats about it. I hang out with Cliff and Erin... but I never seem to get the feeling that if I were to fall off the planet tomorrow, that they would be deeply hurt by it. Not that they mean to or not. I just always feel like the 5th wheel. That seems to happen alot. So I guess it kinda sucks to have a meaningless exsistance.
I'm not jealous of Greg. I am just disappointed in myself. Why can't I have some cool characteristic, where people want to be my friend? Why is it that I don't seem to have any real friends of my own? Why can't I keep friends? What happened to the girl who was nominated best actress of the year? The girl that got all the leads. The girl that people loved to hang out with? The girl that people told her that she was pretty from time to time? The girl that was told that she looked perfect in everything she wore? What happened?
I seem to feel my life turning into my mother's. I feel badly for her. She has to live in the shadows of my father. (Who is the most well- known actor in Tahoe. Ok... I realize Tahoe isn't huge, but people still shower you with compliments where ever you go.) We were at the baby shower the other day, and the girls that were throwing the party gave my brother's wife's mother a present (said it was for the grandma) but gave my mom nothing. They knew my mom was coming. I sent in the RSVP and even said that it was Rich's mom and sister. What the fuck is up with that? So she is always passed by. Why does it seem like I am following her fott steps? For godsake, the first week that Greg and I were dating... I probably got about 100 emails and 50 IMs all asking what Greg was like. Not me... Greg. I still get about 10 e-mails a day asking those types of questions. If you want to know about Greg...ASK GREG!
This leaves me wondering if I am ever going to make it as an actress. Because at the moment I just feel, well, below average.
I just seem to drift in behind Greg's name. Forever I will be known as "Greg's girlfriend" Sort of like how Kara is known as "Gabe's wife". But what makes me stand out? Nothing I suppose. What I mean is this... Am I known for anything? Being a splendid actor? Nope. At the moment no one but my parents and Greg seem to care that I act at all. Drawing? Well I am fairly good at drawing, but no one seems to care about that either. Being undeniably beautiful? Nope again. My wonderful fashion sense? What are you kidding? I suppose I am alright at making costumes. But its not something I love to do. Its fun from time to time... but most of the time I hate to sew. Plus, the people that do e-mail me about my costumes have found me through Real Life. That makes things less cool I suppose. Its probably because they didn't find me because I am me. They found me because I am the girlfriend of "Greg Dean".
I get the feeling from time to time that my friends are only my friends because I am Greg's girlfriend. It just comes with the package I suppose. I don't really have close friends either. I have Greg... and thats about it. I hang out with Cliff and Erin... but I never seem to get the feeling that if I were to fall off the planet tomorrow, that they would be deeply hurt by it. Not that they mean to or not. I just always feel like the 5th wheel. That seems to happen alot. So I guess it kinda sucks to have a meaningless exsistance.
I'm not jealous of Greg. I am just disappointed in myself. Why can't I have some cool characteristic, where people want to be my friend? Why is it that I don't seem to have any real friends of my own? Why can't I keep friends? What happened to the girl who was nominated best actress of the year? The girl that got all the leads. The girl that people loved to hang out with? The girl that people told her that she was pretty from time to time? The girl that was told that she looked perfect in everything she wore? What happened?
I seem to feel my life turning into my mother's. I feel badly for her. She has to live in the shadows of my father. (Who is the most well- known actor in Tahoe. Ok... I realize Tahoe isn't huge, but people still shower you with compliments where ever you go.) We were at the baby shower the other day, and the girls that were throwing the party gave my brother's wife's mother a present (said it was for the grandma) but gave my mom nothing. They knew my mom was coming. I sent in the RSVP and even said that it was Rich's mom and sister. What the fuck is up with that? So she is always passed by. Why does it seem like I am following her fott steps? For godsake, the first week that Greg and I were dating... I probably got about 100 emails and 50 IMs all asking what Greg was like. Not me... Greg. I still get about 10 e-mails a day asking those types of questions. If you want to know about Greg...ASK GREG!
This leaves me wondering if I am ever going to make it as an actress. Because at the moment I just feel, well, below average.
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