There are days when I hate what I've chosen to study.
I mean, I really wonder sometimes why I chose acting. Of couse, that wondering ends the minute I start rehersal and I get on a stage, but still I have moments.
I know my parents aren't really fond of my decision. They still support me, but my mother is constantly throwing me hints about other careers. I love her to death, but it's really starting to be depressing, and seriously not helpful.
Take my studying Chinese. For those of you who don't know, for the last 2 and a half months, I was in China with my godmother, studying Chinese. I didn't really want to stay in China that long. But my mother said I should pass up the oppurtunity, which is very true, and that learning the language is good for me. So I stayed. And really, I had a wonderful time, but now my mother is telling me to continue the studying (which is really a good idea, and I do want to), but the problem is the only classes I could take at school are at 8am, and are being taught by the teacher I absolutely despise. I'm trying to figure out other ways of studying, but it's going slow, and it's like the only other thing my mother will accept is taking the classes.
I made the mistake of mentioning the idea that my godmother had about going to China to teach english after college. Let me get things straight. I like China, really, I do. But I *NEVER* want to live there. Never. The very thought makes me shudder. It's a beautiful country, lovely to visit, but I just couldn't stand the lack of things we Americans think of as common... like a sit down toliet. Call me a spoiled American brat, but it's not just that. I couldn't live without my friends, and being able to see them whenever I could, and talking regularly on the phone with my family, and little things like that.
But the minute my mother heard the idea, *wham!* It was a wonderful idea, and should be seriously considered. No matter how many times I said, "No, I don't want to," she kept on going. I thought I was going to loose it. I don't want to study Chinese exclusively, I don't want to teach English in a foreign country, I want to act, sing, perform, and otherwise make an ass of myself in the public eye, 'cause that's what I want and like to do!
But then we get into the whole, "Am I good enough? How much more weight do I need to lose?" And don't fucking tell me I'm beautiful the way I am, cause that won't get me a job in TV or film. If I didn't love acting and performing so much, I don't know why I'd do this. I don't even know how to get an agent, much less get into tv... if any of you readers out there are a talent agent, and want a head shot and resume, let me know...
Does this make me strange? I don't know. I don't care either. I love my mother dearly, but I can't take much more of this. I don't want my summer in China to go to waste either, a lot of people helped me to get to this point in my studies.
So what do I do? I don't know. There are days when I fucking hate my life.
I gotta go memorize a monologue...
I mean, I really wonder sometimes why I chose acting. Of couse, that wondering ends the minute I start rehersal and I get on a stage, but still I have moments.
I know my parents aren't really fond of my decision. They still support me, but my mother is constantly throwing me hints about other careers. I love her to death, but it's really starting to be depressing, and seriously not helpful.
Take my studying Chinese. For those of you who don't know, for the last 2 and a half months, I was in China with my godmother, studying Chinese. I didn't really want to stay in China that long. But my mother said I should pass up the oppurtunity, which is very true, and that learning the language is good for me. So I stayed. And really, I had a wonderful time, but now my mother is telling me to continue the studying (which is really a good idea, and I do want to), but the problem is the only classes I could take at school are at 8am, and are being taught by the teacher I absolutely despise. I'm trying to figure out other ways of studying, but it's going slow, and it's like the only other thing my mother will accept is taking the classes.
I made the mistake of mentioning the idea that my godmother had about going to China to teach english after college. Let me get things straight. I like China, really, I do. But I *NEVER* want to live there. Never. The very thought makes me shudder. It's a beautiful country, lovely to visit, but I just couldn't stand the lack of things we Americans think of as common... like a sit down toliet. Call me a spoiled American brat, but it's not just that. I couldn't live without my friends, and being able to see them whenever I could, and talking regularly on the phone with my family, and little things like that.
But the minute my mother heard the idea, *wham!* It was a wonderful idea, and should be seriously considered. No matter how many times I said, "No, I don't want to," she kept on going. I thought I was going to loose it. I don't want to study Chinese exclusively, I don't want to teach English in a foreign country, I want to act, sing, perform, and otherwise make an ass of myself in the public eye, 'cause that's what I want and like to do!
But then we get into the whole, "Am I good enough? How much more weight do I need to lose?" And don't fucking tell me I'm beautiful the way I am, cause that won't get me a job in TV or film. If I didn't love acting and performing so much, I don't know why I'd do this. I don't even know how to get an agent, much less get into tv... if any of you readers out there are a talent agent, and want a head shot and resume, let me know...
Does this make me strange? I don't know. I don't care either. I love my mother dearly, but I can't take much more of this. I don't want my summer in China to go to waste either, a lot of people helped me to get to this point in my studies.
So what do I do? I don't know. There are days when I fucking hate my life.
I gotta go memorize a monologue...
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