We're at war.
Shit, that scares the fuck out of me. I felt like someone should make some kind of honest statement about the fact that we're at war, and I felt like it should be me. I'm the oldest and I probably have the best memory of anyone on the site of what it was like when we went to war last time. And I studied the Vietnam war for a while in college. So I guess it falls on me on making the first statement about us being at war.
Do I support the war? I don't know. I'm honestly not sure. The reasons are ... complex. On one hand, I feel like it is our obligation to protect freedom worldwide, as well as keep America safe. On the other hand, it's a foreign country and a long way away from home.
What am I thinking right now? I'm thinking about a lot of things. I'm thinking how scared I am that they might reinstate the draft and that I could be called off to war. I'm thinking of how I have no desire to die in a foreign land. I'm thinking of how much there is left in the world I want to do, how much there is left to say, how little I feel like I've accomplished, how insignificant I feel right now. I'm thinking of the people that I love, the people that I care for and how I might not ever see them again. I'm thinking about how I investigated becoming a foreign correspondant for a while, and how foreign correspondants who are remaining in Iraq are being told to arm themselves so that they won't be used as "human shields" by desperate Iraqi officials, and how that could've been me. I'm thinking about how long this war will go on. I'm thinking about what the chances are that we could be attacked are. I'm thinking about how much the very idea that we're at war scares me. I'm thinking about how Bush said this war will take longer than expected, will be more difficult than expected and will require a lot of effort on our part. I know it's selfish to be thinking about my own ass at a time when we're at war, when there are people who are out on the front lines right now, who are out flying the planes, driving the tanks, carrying the rifles, broadcasting the stories, but I'm scared, and there's no rationale in the world that can take that away.
My thoughts and hopes are with the people over there and even though I'm not a religious man, I am wishing for them to come back safely. All of them. But I'm also scared about what this means for me. Or for us. All of us. It's a little ... scratch that. It's a LOT terrifying. Terrorism, war, the draft, the planes, the bombs ... will this be another Gulf War? Or another Vietnam? Or, shit I hope not, another World War? I'm sure I'm overreacting a little. I'm sure that fear is just getting a bit of a grip on me, but I'm just another young man who's scared about what this means to the future, not just the country's, but my own.
I admit it. I'm scared, okay? Yes, I'm scared. This scares me more than 9/11 did, because that was a single action, a single moment in time. And while we felt the ramifications of it for a long time (and still are feeling them), it faded at least a little. This is war. Even when we sleep, it goes on. Even when we're clinging to whatever loved ones we may or may not have, it goes on. It goes on, whether we're surrounded by thousands of people or alone to our thoughts. Night and day, day and night ... it goes on.
Reports, last I heard about twenty minutes ago, were that we made a surgical strike intended to get Saddam Hussein. We do not yet know if he was hit. And even if he was, military actions will continue. This is only the beginning.
I'm sure I'll be writing a lot more about this over the coming months, but for right now, I honestly don't want to write about it anymore. I don't want to think about it anymore. But I need to go watch more CNN. Because if I'm going to get roped into this thing, I want to know as much as possible about it.
...
I'm not a religious man, but I don't want to die with so much in my life left undone.
Shit, that scares the fuck out of me. I felt like someone should make some kind of honest statement about the fact that we're at war, and I felt like it should be me. I'm the oldest and I probably have the best memory of anyone on the site of what it was like when we went to war last time. And I studied the Vietnam war for a while in college. So I guess it falls on me on making the first statement about us being at war.
Do I support the war? I don't know. I'm honestly not sure. The reasons are ... complex. On one hand, I feel like it is our obligation to protect freedom worldwide, as well as keep America safe. On the other hand, it's a foreign country and a long way away from home.
What am I thinking right now? I'm thinking about a lot of things. I'm thinking how scared I am that they might reinstate the draft and that I could be called off to war. I'm thinking of how I have no desire to die in a foreign land. I'm thinking of how much there is left in the world I want to do, how much there is left to say, how little I feel like I've accomplished, how insignificant I feel right now. I'm thinking of the people that I love, the people that I care for and how I might not ever see them again. I'm thinking about how I investigated becoming a foreign correspondant for a while, and how foreign correspondants who are remaining in Iraq are being told to arm themselves so that they won't be used as "human shields" by desperate Iraqi officials, and how that could've been me. I'm thinking about how long this war will go on. I'm thinking about what the chances are that we could be attacked are. I'm thinking about how much the very idea that we're at war scares me. I'm thinking about how Bush said this war will take longer than expected, will be more difficult than expected and will require a lot of effort on our part. I know it's selfish to be thinking about my own ass at a time when we're at war, when there are people who are out on the front lines right now, who are out flying the planes, driving the tanks, carrying the rifles, broadcasting the stories, but I'm scared, and there's no rationale in the world that can take that away.
My thoughts and hopes are with the people over there and even though I'm not a religious man, I am wishing for them to come back safely. All of them. But I'm also scared about what this means for me. Or for us. All of us. It's a little ... scratch that. It's a LOT terrifying. Terrorism, war, the draft, the planes, the bombs ... will this be another Gulf War? Or another Vietnam? Or, shit I hope not, another World War? I'm sure I'm overreacting a little. I'm sure that fear is just getting a bit of a grip on me, but I'm just another young man who's scared about what this means to the future, not just the country's, but my own.
I admit it. I'm scared, okay? Yes, I'm scared. This scares me more than 9/11 did, because that was a single action, a single moment in time. And while we felt the ramifications of it for a long time (and still are feeling them), it faded at least a little. This is war. Even when we sleep, it goes on. Even when we're clinging to whatever loved ones we may or may not have, it goes on. It goes on, whether we're surrounded by thousands of people or alone to our thoughts. Night and day, day and night ... it goes on.
Reports, last I heard about twenty minutes ago, were that we made a surgical strike intended to get Saddam Hussein. We do not yet know if he was hit. And even if he was, military actions will continue. This is only the beginning.
I'm sure I'll be writing a lot more about this over the coming months, but for right now, I honestly don't want to write about it anymore. I don't want to think about it anymore. But I need to go watch more CNN. Because if I'm going to get roped into this thing, I want to know as much as possible about it.
...
I'm not a religious man, but I don't want to die with so much in my life left undone.
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