I think its probably time to start drowning my sorrows in alcohol. What does everyone else think?

Now I know you are going to say, " Nothing can be that bad" and "You don't want to solve depression with alcohol". But I really do. Anything to take me out of my life at the moment, and put me into a different reality sounds like a godly concoction. Fuck life. I don't really see the point in waking up every morning to do what you DO NOT want to do, then go to sleep miserable, then wake up and do it again the next day. Where the hell is the lesson in that?

If you don't already know, I am homeless at the moment. I have a wonderful job, but I am homeless. How does this happen you ask? Well thats simple. People are fucking retarded. Some people are selfish when they have no right to be. Some people need to grow up and let go of some things.

Is it so wrong to want to feel at home some place? Is it wrong to want your pet? Is it wrong to want to start a new life with the person you love? Is it wrong to just want to be happy? I guess it is... or atleast it was brought to my attention last night.

Greg's and mine roommates are not taking the move well at all. They pretty much said that if Greg leaves then they will hate him. If he stays, then I am out of a house. Why am I out of the house? Because I evidently spat on everything that Tony has sacrificed and worked on. He sacrificed his dog so that they could live in this house. I feel bad for them. But should I sacrifice my cat to stay in a house where I can't even open up a package of dishes that I brought along to contribute to the house? (When I first moved in I had brought some dishes and I was told that they didn't want me to open them because they liked having very few dishes.) A woman's home is a reflection of her. She needs to be able to decorate, and have belongings and have privacy...ect. She NEEDS these things in order to feel at home.

Another thing that bothers me is that everyone else in house can leave whenever they feel it is necessary. But for some reason, Greg doesn't have the same luxury. I am not really sure how that works out. But I am evidently too stupid to see any of these things. Its not like Greg is leaving them to die there. There is already another roommate that is lined up to stay there. And we aren't leaving until November. Which is convieniently (sp? shit I don't care about spelling at the moment) when the lease is up. Now Greg and I offered for Tony and Debbie to come stay with us at an apartment for awhile... but they want to keep the house. I can completely understand that. But if the house is going to run you into the ground... then it wasn't meant to be. You have to accept that and move on with your life. Not sit there and put ultimadums on people. But I digress.

So why can't we just stay at the house? Well #1... I am unhappy there, and I don't have my kitty. #2 The relationship between the roommates and myself will never be the same. I would spend all of my time being reclusive in the bedroom where I can hide. I don't want to see their faces. But they also hate me because I am the devil woman who wants to take their precious Greg away with me. I would be completely miserable. Not just that... I want to have some small amount of dignity left after this entire ordeal.

So why don't we just move? Well Greg feels like he has this loyalty to Tony and Debbie. Which I understand. He has lived with them for a very long time and loves them like family. But he wouldn't let his family do this to him. So why let friends? Obviously they aren't the greatest of friends since they can't just be happy for him and let him move on with his life. Selfishness I guess.

Greg is also now scared about starting school in the spring. We and I would both be working less hours and such... but he wants to save up a little nest so that we won't have to worry about money for awhile. But in order to do this... we will have to live with his dad. I love his dad and all... but where does that change anything? We will be living in a smaller house and still living in a bedroom. I would, be able to have my cat. But there is a cat door and he is a strictly indoors cat. I am not sure if I want to take him from my family's house and put him in a smaller place and have him get used to another cat...ect ect. GAH!

So at the moment I am homeless and on the verge of losing my boyfriend and all of my dignity. So life is just peachy.

So.... how was your night?

.:Liz:.