My dad usually picks up the phone and says "Fine, and how are you?" He claims it cuts to the chase. I call him this afternoon and he picks up "As well as can be expected, and how are you?"

So I came up with the following catastrophies:

1. Midgets have invaded the house and are biting at his knees. "As well as can be expected, and how are you?"

2. The house has flooded, which is ironic, as they live on a hill, because the last house they owned was flooded. Twice. "As well as can be expected, and how are you?"

3. My nephew has taken over the porn industry at the ripe old age of 22 months. "As well as can be expected, and how are you?"

4. A lighting fixture has fallen on his head. "As well as can be expected, and how are you?"

After illuminating him to these scenarios, he thought it best not to use that particular phrasing ever again. He did tell me that I should write it down. I invite you all to add your own scenarios for this phrase.