Shit.
shit shit shit shit shit.
So I had this other job lined up, one that would pay better, give me regular hours, and give me a life. And it just went *poof!* And since I failed my 90 day review at work, I didn't get a raise at my current job, and I have no chance of getting it for another month at least. And the bills for Christmas are coming up.
I think that's my main worry. The only thing that seriously stresses me out is money. I have very little. I had a lot of money saved up when I came to school, but I didn't control my spending like I should have, and I spent too much, too fast. So now, I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and desparately trying to avoid asking my parents for money, for the obvious reasons (shame being the main one). Then there's the fact that I'm a Theater Arts major, and when I graduate, my plan for life is to be an actress.
And we all know how well that pays.
There are days when I wish I wasn't so spoiled, and that my parents weren't so well off that I think I have money to waste, when I really don't. My parents pay for school, my books, they bought the house I live in here in Santa Cruz, so I don't pay rent. They pay for everything, and I'm just the spoiled child, getting a degree in something that is pretty worthless in real life. And my parents ask me what I'm going to do when I graduate, and that I should start looking for a good job with benefits and everything, and I can't do that!
I want to act. To perform, to be seen, to be a ham. To be things that I could never be in real life; to be able to be a fireman one day, and a princess the next. To walk down the street and have people say, "Wow, isn't that that great actress?" And I won't give up that dream, just to have a steady life and a job that I might or might not like. I can't picture myself doing anything but performing, and I *know* I'm good enough to get somewhere!
It's just getting there that's tough... and it's getting there that might drive me nuts.
shit shit shit shit shit.
So I had this other job lined up, one that would pay better, give me regular hours, and give me a life. And it just went *poof!* And since I failed my 90 day review at work, I didn't get a raise at my current job, and I have no chance of getting it for another month at least. And the bills for Christmas are coming up.
I think that's my main worry. The only thing that seriously stresses me out is money. I have very little. I had a lot of money saved up when I came to school, but I didn't control my spending like I should have, and I spent too much, too fast. So now, I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and desparately trying to avoid asking my parents for money, for the obvious reasons (shame being the main one). Then there's the fact that I'm a Theater Arts major, and when I graduate, my plan for life is to be an actress.
And we all know how well that pays.
There are days when I wish I wasn't so spoiled, and that my parents weren't so well off that I think I have money to waste, when I really don't. My parents pay for school, my books, they bought the house I live in here in Santa Cruz, so I don't pay rent. They pay for everything, and I'm just the spoiled child, getting a degree in something that is pretty worthless in real life. And my parents ask me what I'm going to do when I graduate, and that I should start looking for a good job with benefits and everything, and I can't do that!
I want to act. To perform, to be seen, to be a ham. To be things that I could never be in real life; to be able to be a fireman one day, and a princess the next. To walk down the street and have people say, "Wow, isn't that that great actress?" And I won't give up that dream, just to have a steady life and a job that I might or might not like. I can't picture myself doing anything but performing, and I *know* I'm good enough to get somewhere!
It's just getting there that's tough... and it's getting there that might drive me nuts.
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