What a fun week. Seriously, it has been the kind of week where you just want to bash your head against a brick wall.
So Monday I found out that Greg and Liz were moving to Texas from their website, as apparently they decided not to tell anyone personally. Greg has apologized, and I have a hard time holding a grudge against him, but I still feel like a second-class citizen, seeing as they will be leaving the state and could not be bothered to even tell me personally. I will also be sad to see them go, but I understand their reasons. So, y'know, that was fun.
Also, work has been a bear this week for reasons I will not get into on a public website. Thankfully, I have the full backing of the company and the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing. (And for those users who think they're going to "get" me, good luck, fellas, you keep on trying! Heh.)
Fast forward to yesterday. Went and saw Yellowcard and Blue October with Sherrie and Chirsty. The show was okay. The bass drum on Yellowcard was so damn loud that it drowned out the band half the time, which pissed me off to no end. Blue October also felt like a schizophrenic performance, as if they could not make up their mind what they wanted to do. I liked seeing both bands live and I am glad I went, but it certainly ranks near the bottom in terms of quality of shows I've seen.
We got back to Christy's car and my ipod was missing. Apparently Christy's car was broken into with a slimjim and the only thing taken from the car was my relatively new 160 gb ipod. For those of you who know me, I am certain you are probably wincing just reading that, as you know how personal my music is to me. When my car has been broken into before and either my stereo or my loose CDs stolen, I have been difficult and combative for days, if not weeks. Right now, I just feel a massive sense of loss. Can I afford another ipod? Yes. I may have to push back a few things I wanted to get in the near future, but it is not going to break the bank. This not make it any easier to swallow.
I am simply tired of thing after thing going wrong, going foul, being ignored, being forgotten, being overlooked, being out-of-control and just generally shit. Even last week, when I was kicking ass at Magic night, a large contingent of our regulars were yelling, screaming and swearing about how much they hated the set, so much so that a couple of people just basically stormed out, and that killed what little satisfaction I had from doing well. I guess what I am saying is that I am tired of everything being crap. I am not going to Magic tonight, as I have no desire to deal with that level of hostility while I am still reeling from the violation of having my music stolen from me yet again. I turned off the stereo in my car and rode the train in silence this morning, simply because I am afraid that the sound of music will set me into a fit of rage, so the only background sound I have right now is the sound of my tinnitus ringing in my ears.
I know things will turn around sooner or later. I honestly am not the pessimistic emo bastard some people would like to paint me as. I do not sit around and mope all day. I do not dwell on the doomed aspects of my personal life at all hours of the night. Despite my gruff and cynical responses to things, I do tend to have a hopeful eye towards the future, and am always hoping for things to continually get better and I push for positive change anywhere I can. Sadly, it seems as though many people believe their first impressions and then choose to let that color all perceptions of me in perpetuity. And while I will always offer a cynical response regarding myself, my welfare or my future, it should be clear that I still want my life to go in a good direction. I am, despite what some people make think, not an idiot, and not self-destructive. I am doing the best I can to make my way in the world and not go insane, or more insane than I am already. And I realize that this post probably does not convey the serene and wizened illusion that people have of me, and instead plays into that tormented and tortured image that I really wish I could dispel. But it has been a rather taxing period of time for me, and I genuinely wish things would go right for a change, that the surprises could be good ones and not bad ones, and that life would stop kicking me in the balls and pissing on me while I am bent over in pain.
Yeah, I know, "cheer up, Cliff." Fuck it. Today I just want to lay down and take a few days away from the world. Who knows what will go wrong today...
So Monday I found out that Greg and Liz were moving to Texas from their website, as apparently they decided not to tell anyone personally. Greg has apologized, and I have a hard time holding a grudge against him, but I still feel like a second-class citizen, seeing as they will be leaving the state and could not be bothered to even tell me personally. I will also be sad to see them go, but I understand their reasons. So, y'know, that was fun.
Also, work has been a bear this week for reasons I will not get into on a public website. Thankfully, I have the full backing of the company and the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing. (And for those users who think they're going to "get" me, good luck, fellas, you keep on trying! Heh.)
Fast forward to yesterday. Went and saw Yellowcard and Blue October with Sherrie and Chirsty. The show was okay. The bass drum on Yellowcard was so damn loud that it drowned out the band half the time, which pissed me off to no end. Blue October also felt like a schizophrenic performance, as if they could not make up their mind what they wanted to do. I liked seeing both bands live and I am glad I went, but it certainly ranks near the bottom in terms of quality of shows I've seen.
We got back to Christy's car and my ipod was missing. Apparently Christy's car was broken into with a slimjim and the only thing taken from the car was my relatively new 160 gb ipod. For those of you who know me, I am certain you are probably wincing just reading that, as you know how personal my music is to me. When my car has been broken into before and either my stereo or my loose CDs stolen, I have been difficult and combative for days, if not weeks. Right now, I just feel a massive sense of loss. Can I afford another ipod? Yes. I may have to push back a few things I wanted to get in the near future, but it is not going to break the bank. This not make it any easier to swallow.
I am simply tired of thing after thing going wrong, going foul, being ignored, being forgotten, being overlooked, being out-of-control and just generally shit. Even last week, when I was kicking ass at Magic night, a large contingent of our regulars were yelling, screaming and swearing about how much they hated the set, so much so that a couple of people just basically stormed out, and that killed what little satisfaction I had from doing well. I guess what I am saying is that I am tired of everything being crap. I am not going to Magic tonight, as I have no desire to deal with that level of hostility while I am still reeling from the violation of having my music stolen from me yet again. I turned off the stereo in my car and rode the train in silence this morning, simply because I am afraid that the sound of music will set me into a fit of rage, so the only background sound I have right now is the sound of my tinnitus ringing in my ears.
I know things will turn around sooner or later. I honestly am not the pessimistic emo bastard some people would like to paint me as. I do not sit around and mope all day. I do not dwell on the doomed aspects of my personal life at all hours of the night. Despite my gruff and cynical responses to things, I do tend to have a hopeful eye towards the future, and am always hoping for things to continually get better and I push for positive change anywhere I can. Sadly, it seems as though many people believe their first impressions and then choose to let that color all perceptions of me in perpetuity. And while I will always offer a cynical response regarding myself, my welfare or my future, it should be clear that I still want my life to go in a good direction. I am, despite what some people make think, not an idiot, and not self-destructive. I am doing the best I can to make my way in the world and not go insane, or more insane than I am already. And I realize that this post probably does not convey the serene and wizened illusion that people have of me, and instead plays into that tormented and tortured image that I really wish I could dispel. But it has been a rather taxing period of time for me, and I genuinely wish things would go right for a change, that the surprises could be good ones and not bad ones, and that life would stop kicking me in the balls and pissing on me while I am bent over in pain.
Yeah, I know, "cheer up, Cliff." Fuck it. Today I just want to lay down and take a few days away from the world. Who knows what will go wrong today...
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