Another year has passed and I am, in fact, a little older today. I travel through time the same way as everyone else -- one day at a time. I suppose, now that I'm 27 (God that number seems high) I should say something noble and wise, but unfortunately I still can't think of anything.
With age is supposed to come wisdom, but for me all that comes is more age. I don't feel any wiser. I don't look any wiser. I just feel and look a little older. The day has come and gone and I'm one step closer to 30, and one step closer to 40, and all the rest. And I suppose what hurts the most is that I don't feel like I've made much of an impact with my life. I'm just another name, another number, another statistic. I still don't have work. I still can't afford to pay my own way in life. I still can't seem to make ends meet.
I was sad that I couldn't see most of my friends today, but they all had good reasons and I hope they are doing better. Christy and I ate at Fuddrucker's and the service was terrible -- the order was botched and after we had them correct it, my burger was lukewarm. We went and saw Matrix Revolutions, and it was pretty much what I expected it to be, i.e. decent but not great. And here I am, home again, writing about the passage of time.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to make it seem like the world is an awful place, because it isn't. It just is what it is and we all have to adapt to that, even me. I know people like to think of me as tough-as-nails, mean-sunnuva-bitch-who-fights-to-the-end, but even I can't fight forever, and it has been hard as of late, waking up each morning, falling asleep each night, knowing that tomorrow is another day filled of nothingness, no purpose, no goal, no focus.
Do not think I'm giving up, though. I'm too proud, too strong, too willful, too determined, too stupid, too crazy and too unfinished to let that happen. There are a million and one things I have left to do, and I'm not giving up. I can't give up; that's just not my way. But I can take a few moments to rest and recoup, and for now, I need to regain some strength, because dealing with each day at a time is sapping my resourcefulness.
Another year has passed and I'm just a little older, a little more frustrated, a little more beaten down. But being beaten down doesn't make you beaten. I'm just trying to catch my second wind.
Happy belated birthday to me, ya bastiche.
With age is supposed to come wisdom, but for me all that comes is more age. I don't feel any wiser. I don't look any wiser. I just feel and look a little older. The day has come and gone and I'm one step closer to 30, and one step closer to 40, and all the rest. And I suppose what hurts the most is that I don't feel like I've made much of an impact with my life. I'm just another name, another number, another statistic. I still don't have work. I still can't afford to pay my own way in life. I still can't seem to make ends meet.
I was sad that I couldn't see most of my friends today, but they all had good reasons and I hope they are doing better. Christy and I ate at Fuddrucker's and the service was terrible -- the order was botched and after we had them correct it, my burger was lukewarm. We went and saw Matrix Revolutions, and it was pretty much what I expected it to be, i.e. decent but not great. And here I am, home again, writing about the passage of time.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to make it seem like the world is an awful place, because it isn't. It just is what it is and we all have to adapt to that, even me. I know people like to think of me as tough-as-nails, mean-sunnuva-bitch-who-fights-to-the-end, but even I can't fight forever, and it has been hard as of late, waking up each morning, falling asleep each night, knowing that tomorrow is another day filled of nothingness, no purpose, no goal, no focus.
Do not think I'm giving up, though. I'm too proud, too strong, too willful, too determined, too stupid, too crazy and too unfinished to let that happen. There are a million and one things I have left to do, and I'm not giving up. I can't give up; that's just not my way. But I can take a few moments to rest and recoup, and for now, I need to regain some strength, because dealing with each day at a time is sapping my resourcefulness.
Another year has passed and I'm just a little older, a little more frustrated, a little more beaten down. But being beaten down doesn't make you beaten. I'm just trying to catch my second wind.
Happy belated birthday to me, ya bastiche.
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